Thuja - homeopathy360

Thuja

Abstract

This is a case of a man who is not sure whether it is Jesus or the devil who is influencing him. Thuja is the only remedy listed in the Delusion rubric: divided into two parts, which part he has possession on waking; and could not tell.
Case Notes
First Consult: October 2008
D.O.B. 1947
Occupation: Christian Pastor
Presenting Issue

  • Physical weakness and exhaustion
  • Pervasive sadness and crippling anxiety
  • Frequent urination
  • Food sensitivities

Mental and Emotional Symptoms of the Case

  • He describes himself as having clinical depression.
  • Pervasive sadness.
  • Afraid of people. He will come into the church via the back door in order to avoid running into his parishioners.
  • Fearful of parishioners finding out he is scared of people.
  • Fearful of the legal responsibility he has as the parishioner of the church. He is terrified of a parishioner claiming against the church for injury. He has severe anxiety attacks, especially at night in regards to potential future public liability claims.
  • Fearful of bureaucracy. He has dreams about being responsible for insurance claims.
  • He is finishing his seminary thesis, and struggles with writing because he has learning difficulties.
  • Has suffered with crippling depression and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which contributed to him dropping out of society and moving to the hills to live in the 1970’s.
  • He was a vegetarian in the 1970’s, but his wife insists on cooking meat which he doesn’t like eating.
  • He suffers with anxiety after he eats and is often in pain with gastritis.
  • He hides his past life when he practiced vegetarianism, yoga, and meditation, from his parishioners because he is afraid of what they would think.
  • He hides his psychic abilities from the church.
  • He believes he is able to hear God’s direction, and is following God’s instructions by joining the church.
  • He left society for twenty years and lived in isolation in the hills. He was subsequently rejected by his mother and father.
  • He feels that he was being punished for having abandoned his two young children when he left his first wife. He feels that God has forgiven him his sins because he has contact with his children. He feels that by taking care of his step-daughter he is making up for not having looked after his own children.
  • He feels he is a failure because he is always depressed and overcome by crippling panic attacks. He thinks he will not be able to succeed at his role of pastor of a church because he is fearful of people.
  • He feels that he is too weak to be able to deal with the stress and fear of running the business side of a parish church. He is terrified of dealing with public liability and the possibility of a parishioner suing him.

Physical Symptoms of the Case

  • Frequent urination up to 6-8 times at night
  • Frequency during the day, approximately hourly
  • Thirsty (not diabetic)
  • Extreme sensitivity to foods
  • Anxiety after eating
  • < Sugar, which causes bleeding gums
  • < Fructose
  • < Milk, lactose intolerant
  • < Spices
  • < Creamy sauces
  • < Cheese
  • < Mayonnaise
  • Signs of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, (IBS)
  • Belching
  • Indigestion
  • Bloating
  • Difficulty swallowing
  • Hot hands at night
  • History of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, (CFS)
  • Adrenal gland exhaustion
  • Feels weak and easily overcome with extreme tiredness
  • Extreme sensitivity to chemicals

Notable Key Aspects of the Case
The patient was born into a wealthy well established family. He went to boarding school in Australia with Prince Charles. (He tells me this to highlight the fact that he was born into a socially prominent family.) His father was a barrister and his mother a well known socialite. Preceding his birth, his mother lost twin girls who died after birth in the hospital. His mother wanted a girl and was grief stricken that he was born a boy. She subsequently dressed him in girl’s clothes until he was five years of age. His mother rejected him as a young child and made it clear she had never wanted a boy.
At six or seven years of age he was exposed to pictures of nuclear bombing on the television. He became crippled, and catatonic with fear of being annihilated, and has been classified as clinically depressed ever since. He has suffered suicidal feelings since his childhood, when he was overcome with guilt from seeing pictures of starving children on television, in a campaign called Feed the Children.
Before he saw the photos of starving children, he described himself as extremely fat. He told me that shortly after seeing the photos he gave up drinking milk and has been extremely thin ever since. He does not like it if he puts on any weight. His food sensitivities started after he gave up drinking milk, but he does not attribute his food sensitivities to experiencing the trauma of the pictures of starving children. He believes he always had food sensitivities, and this is what had made him fat as a child. He stopped eating after seeing the campaign Feed the Children. He still suffers with extreme fears of violence and, is extremely uncomfortable with stereotypical masculine men. His main reason for consulting me was his food sensitivities and his anxiety. He suffers from anxiety about being sued in his role as a parish priest and is struggling to embrace the role and responsibilities that the job entails. As a child he was intensely disgusted by his mother. He described her dress sense as being sexually inappropriate and in the vein of Tina Turner style of dressing. His mother would walk around the house naked and would go to the toilet in front of him as a child; he found this repugnant. He married a girl who he got pregnant at an early age, and had two children. His father was physically violent, and emotionally abusive towards his mother. He left his wife and children because she was schizophrenic and physically violent towards him. He escaped into living a hermit’s life in the hills. He has been estranged from his family since he left his wife. He argued with his father about his lack of success. He has recurring dreams of being alone and terrified in a city, with no money. In the dream he eventually finds his way home and is not allowed into the family home. He wakes up in terror when he realizes that he is not able to enter the family home. He is on a disability pension from the government, and has suffered with clinical depression and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. He is now finishing off his studies to become a Christian pastor. He has practiced yoga and meditation in the past, but joined the church because he wanted to gain spiritual recognition in a more socially acceptable form of religion. He is worried about whether it is Jesus or the devil who he can hear. He hopes that joining the Christian church will ensure that it is Jesus he can hear, and not the devil. He hides his past spiritual practices from his wife and his practitioners. His mother recently died, cutting him out of the family inheritance and denying that he was her child in the will. His brother and sister are the only children mentioned. He is contesting the will. Physically, he suffers from numerous food sensitivities. He suffers from anxiety after eating. He is embarrassed by his urinary frequency; during the first consult he needed to go to the toilet three times. He describes himself as psychic and able to see images and auras. He suffers with learning difficulties which make his efforts to achieve his Master in theology extremely hard work.
Case Analysis
This case justifies the use of Delusion rubrics in the case-taking because the following four aspects have been noted in the patient’s case-development.

  1. Evidence of inner conflict and evidence of self-destruction and pathology. If a patient has intense food sensitivities there has to be inner turmoil fueling the reactivity. He has not been able to work because of crippling physical weakness, and sensitivity to his environment.
  2. The psychological delusion is used in a disproportionate way. He over-reacted to his responsibilities towards solving the world’s nuclear crisis, and starvation in the poor countries. He still over reacts to responsibility; this is evident in his fear of public liability responsibilities in regard to his parishioners. He is still crippled by the sin of having left his children.
  3. The delusional stance is maintained because it is advantageous to feel too weak to be able to take responsibility. His anxiety about his role as a pastor is terrifying. It is advantageous to maintain the fragility because he is then able to avoid taking on responsibility. He also needs to maintain his feelings of fragility so that he can deny his past guilt for having fallen from grace.
  4. The ‘never-well-since-event’ is the fear and subsequent depression he suffered when he learnt about the possibility of being annihilated by a nuclear bomb. He is still crippled by suicidal depression and guilt, and pervaded by sadness, and extremely sensitive to suffering in himself and others. The campaign Feed the Children has filled him with guilt when he eats food.

The simillimum in this case must cover his exaggerated self-blame for his sins and the sins of the world.
Each remedy profile will present in one, or all, of the following five psychological stages.
If the constitutional remedy that the homoeopath has chosen has Delusion rubrics allocated into Denial, the patient must display psychological ‘delusions of grandeur’. The simillimum in this case must pertain to the delusion that he is not sure whether it is Jesus or the devil who is influencing him.

  • Delusions: influence; one is under a powerful: thuj.
  • Delusions: divided: two parts; into: which part he has possession on waking; and could not tell: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: superhuman; is: control; is under superhuman: Thuj.

These three rubrics can refer to illusions that one is under the control of Jesus (God) or the devil.
If the constitutional remedy that the homoeopath has chosen has Delusion rubrics allocated into Forsaken, the patient must display psychological ‘delusions of abandonment’ or ‘delusions of persecution’. The simillimum must cover his feelings of being forsaken by his mother because she wanted a girl. The simillimum must cover the feelings of being an outcast, and his dreams about being abandoned and forsaken with no home to go.

  • Delusions: forsaken; is: thuj.
  • Delusions: outcast; she were an: thuj.
  • Delusions: friend: affection of; has lost the: Thuj.

If the constitutional remedy that the homoeopath has chosen has Delusion rubrics allocated into Causation, the patient must display psychological ‘delusions of original sin’. He is worried about whether it is Jesus or the devil who influences him. By joining the Christian church he is hoping that it is Jesus he can hear, and not the devil. He hides his past spiritual practices from his wife and his practitioners; this is the Delusion rubric: he is dirty. The simillimum must cover his feelings that he sinned by abandoning his children.

  • Delusions: dirty: he is: thuj.
  • Delusions: criminal, he is a: thuj.
  • Delusions: sinned; one has: thuj.
  • Delusions: divided: two parts; into: which part he has possession on waking; and could not tell: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: influence; one is under a powerful: thuj.
  • Delusions: superhuman; is: control; is under superhuman: Thuj.

These rubrics can refer to illusions that one is under the control of God or the devil.
If the constitutional remedy that the homoeopath has chosen has Delusion rubrics allocated into Depression, the patient must display psychological ‘delusions of impending doom’. The simillimum must cover his feeling that he is not worthy enough to succeed as a Christian minister. Responsibility in Thuja confronts them with the terrifying fear of failure.

  • Delusions: worthless; he is: thuj.

If the constitutional remedy that the homoeopath has chosen has Delusion rubrics allocated into Resignation, the patient must display psychological ‘delusions of hypochondria’. The simillimum in this case must address his crippling feelings of being weak, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
 Delusions: body: delicate, is: Thuj. [2] 1.
Delusions: existence: longer; she cannot exist any: thuj. [1] 1.
The advantage in identifying and understanding the psychological processing that your patient is moving through is that it allows you to narrow the remedies being considered to the remedies listed in those particular rubric-categories. I have no other information about this case other than what he has told above. By following these psychological stages, I have easily found the simillimum and understood the disturbance in this case.
Prescription: Thuja 30 C., dry pilule once a day, continuously.
Case Analysis: I used the following key points and headings in analyzing this case.

  1. Striking, or Peculiar Signs and Symptoms; Organon 153
  2. Theme
  3. Rubric-repertorisation
  4. Materia Medica
  5. Follow-up Consultations
  6. How, Why, and When Causationsthe ‘Never-well-since-event’.
  7. Striking, or Peculiar Signs and Symptoms; Organon 153

 Thuja are listed in the Delusion rubric: under superhuman control, but they have self-conflicting denial about who is influencing them. Thuja have the Delusion rubric: being at war. Thuja choose to abdicate personal responsibility for their power because they fear that the powerful influence is coming from ‘the evil side’, and not ‘the good side’. This secret will be the underlying self-denial in every Thuja case. Another rubric to consider in a Thuja case would be the Delusion rubric: someone calls. The homoeopath needs to ask who is influencing them. All Thuja cases will have a divided self which they are trying to keep secret; this conflict will always cause eventual destruction of either the mind or body. Thuja are significantly the only remedy listed in the Delusion rubric: divided into two parts, and which part he has possession of when he wakes he does not know. Thuja have a strongly developed defense which manifest in their obsessive need for religion – Mind rubric: fanaticism, too occupied with religious affections. Thuja need to believe that they are being controlled by God or a ‘good’ higher being, otherwise they are overwhelmed by their own fears of immoral behavior. This Thuja (case) feared that the higher power with which he was in contact was the devil, and not Jesus. It was this fear which drove him to become a Christian pastor and give up his previous ‘unconventional’ spiritual life. If he had stayed in the alternative world of spirituality, the power influencing him could have been the devil. In the Christian ministry he felt he would be protected, and more assured that Jesus would influence him, and not the devil.
If a constitutional remedy has two opposing forces, they will be evident in the Delusion rubrics. Thuja have the Delusion rubric: she is all powerful in Stage one versus the Delusion rubric: he is worthless in Stage four. A person with such extreme conflicting polarities will move into a psychological process of self-denial; it is too painful to live with the self-realizations. The rubric-repertorisation, using the psychological model I am proposing is extremely worthwhile because it will always reveal the psychodynamic crisis within each remedy. The self-denial in Thuja is the precursor of their secrecy. Thuja have the Mind rubric: secretive. He hides his past spiritual practices from his wife and his practitioners.

  1. Theme
  • Delusions: superhuman; is; control; is under superhuman: He has religious fanaticism. He believes he is able to hears Jesus’ direction and is following God’s instructions by joining the church. He is in denial of how exhausted trying to be good and religiously acceptable has made him; he is crippled with tiredness. He believes that by being good and listening to God’s instructions he will clear the slate of his sinful past. He hides his psychic spirituality from the church and his parishioners. He also hides his sadness and fear from his parishioners.

If the trauma inside of your patient starts with religious martyrdom and denial of the self, then immediately the simillimum is listed in the Delusion rubrics: in communication with God. Thuja believe they are under a superhuman control. This Thuja (case) is fearful of hell, damnation and the supernatural.
Thuja need to align themselves with God and religiosity with incredible fervor to overcome their fear of punishment.

  • Delusions: outcast; she were an: He lived in isolation in the hills for twenty years. He was rejected by his mother and father.
  • Delusions: wrong; done wrong: he has: He feels that he was punished for having abandoned his two young children. He feels that by taking care of his step-daughter he is making up for not having looked after his own children. He feels that God has forgiven him his sins now that he has contact with his children.
  • Delusions: worthless; he is: He feels he is a failure because he is always depressed and overcome by crippling panic attacks. He thinks he will not be able to succeed at his role of pastor because he is fearful of people.
  • Delusions: body; continuity of body would be dissolved: He feels that he is too weak to be able to deal with the stress and fear of running the business side of a parish. He is terrified of dealing with public liability and the possibility of a parishioner suing him.

Mostly, I have successfully used the homoeopathic remedy Thuja to treat very simple cases of the wart virus in patients. Thuja have the Mind rubrics: fear of others approaching them, and insanity will not be touched. Both of these are internal dialogues and responses one would expect from someone who has warts all over their hands or face. Warts on the face or hands can make people feel like they do not want to be touched or feel like they need to hide from society.
The underlying disturbance within the Thuja profile is fragility. Thuja have the Delusion rubrics: the body is lighter than air, the body is delicate, body is brittle, and body is thin. The Delusion rubrics: their body will be dissolved and she can no longer exist indicate a core disturbance underpinning Thuja. Understanding the Delusion rubric: body is dissolved helped me understand the psychotherapeutic need in Thuja for the ‘delusions of grandeur’ which force them into believing they are all powerful.
In one Thuja patient who consulted me, his fear of being eliminated was formed deep within his psyche when he was brutally attacked in his first sexual encounter. His first sexual encounter formed the primary ‘never-well-since-event’. His crippling fear of being killed [no longer exist] every time he had sex in the future resulted in pre-emptive, self-protective erectile dysfunction. The self-deluding need to avoid his underlying fear of extinction created huge psychological ‘delusions of grandeur’. He consulted me but left without taking a remedy because he believed that nothing was physically or mentally wrong with him. He also refused to take the homoeopathic remedy in case it changed him in some way.
Thuja fear attack. Thuja have the Delusion rubric: body is in danger of coming in pieces. [1] 1. In this Thuja (case), the fear of no longer existing is the underlying psychological trauma underpinning the development of the patient’s Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and his mental and emotional breakdown later in life. His fear of being eliminated [dissolved] developed from the primary ‘never-well-since-event’ when he found out about nuclear extinction. His fear of nuclear extinction subsequently overwhelmed him with fear of his own extinction.
A little while after finding out about nuclear extinction, he was confronted with world poverty and starvation. He subsequently went on to develop food allergies as a child. The food allergies justified his reduced intake of food so he could become very thin. Thuja frequently develop psychosomatic, empathic pathologies. Thuja have the Delusion rubric: has lost the affection of a friend – this rubric is reflective of a deep fear in Thuja of being friendless and isolated and outcast. As a result, Thuja often develop strong somatic, empathic responses to others’ suffering, especially animals. Thuja have the Mind rubric: love for animals, and cats. The patient’s Chronic Fatigue Syndrome developed from years of internal discord within himself.
Thuja have a profound contradiction between Stage one and Stage five in the five stage psychological model. On the one hand, Thuja manifest psychological ‘delusions of grandeur’ which allude to them being under God-like superhuman control, while on the other hand they have profoundly disabling psychological ‘delusions of hypochondria’ which cause them to feel that at any moment they will dissolve and die. The Delusion rubrics: delicate, thin, about to die, diminished, disintegrating, emaciated, are all examples of exaggerated predictions of physical decay. The inconsistencies and contradictions between Stage one and Stage five in Thuja are evidence of self-deluding psychosis. Psychosis is a severe mental derangement involving the whole personality. Psychosis is the precursor to the destruction of ‘ego’, and involves a complete loss of contact with reality. Thuja need to believe they are all powerful to avoid their fears of extinction. Religious fanaticism is common in Thuja. Thuja need a savior to save them from diminishing. Thuja have the Mind rubrics: religious fanaticism, too occupied with religion, despair of religious salvation and reproaching oneself about one’s own passion. Thuja have the Delusion rubric: is under superhuman control and she is all powerful.
For the simillimum to be Thuja there has to evidence that the patient is not aware of their own self-delusion. The psychological delusional stance of Thuja is locked in their unconscious mind. Thuja have the Mind rubric: untruthful. If Thuja are confronted in their conscious or sub-conscious mind with their underlying disintegration it will literally shatter a very brittle and fragile ‘ego’. If Thuja are confronted by the homoeopath with their state of denial, it will overwhelm them. I have experienced a few Thuja patients who have walked away from my consultations without taking the remedy because they did not think there was anything wrong with them. Thuja have the Mind rubric: secretive. [2]. In psychosis, the mental derangement needs to remain hidden in the unconscious mind of the patient; to face the psychotic derangement would cause complete destruction. The simillimum will only be Thuja if the patient appears (to the homoeopath) mentally and emotionally fragile. Thuja will not believe they are fragile; they believe they are powerful. Thuja will acknowledge their physical fragility, but they will not acknowledge mental and emotional fragility.

  1. Denial: Delusion rubric: powerful: all powerful; she is: thuj. Delusion rubric: fancy, illusions of: thuj. Delusion rubric: superhuman; is: control; is under superhuman: Thuj. [In relation to Thuja this rubric can be allocated to either God or the devil.]
  2. Forsaken: Delusion rubric: forsaken; is: thuj. Delusion rubric: appreciated, she is not: Thuj. Delusion rubric: friendless, he is: Thuj. Delusion rubric: outcast; she were an: thuj.
  3. Causation: Delusion rubric: criminal; he is a: thuj. Delusion rubric: sinned; one has: thuj.
  4. Depression: Delusion rubric: insane: he is insane: Thuj. Delusion rubric: worthless; he is: thuj.
  5. Resignation: Delusion rubric: body: continuity of body would be dissolved: thuj. [1] 1. Delusion rubric: diminished: thin, he is too: [1] 1. Delusion rubric: body: pieces: coming in pieces; body is in danger of: thuj. [1] 1. Delusion rubric: die: about to die; one was: Thuj. Delusion rubric: body: delicate, is: Thuj. [2] 1. Delusion rubric: dirty, he is: thuj. Delusion rubric: touched; he is: Thuj. Delusion rubric: flying: skin; out of his: thuj. [1] 1.

Inconsistencies:

  1. Denial: Delusion rubric: powerful: all powerful; she is: thuj.

Versus

  1. Resignation: Delusion rubric: body: delicate, is: Thuj. [2] 1.

Thuja is a homoeopathic remedy derived from the Arbor vitae tree. The wood is light, soft and brittle and vulnerable to splitting. Thuja have the theme of fragility and sensitivity in all spheres – emotional, mental, and physical. Because of the trees’ tall growth, “longevity, incorruptible resin and ever-green leaves, cypress and thuja have been associated with immortality (Tree of Life).” [Vermeulen] Thuja have opposing sensitivities of weakness and strength (religious fervor).
Noted Theme Words used in the Consultation

  • Weak
  • Sensitive
  • Fragile
  • Anxious
  • Suicidal
  • Sad
  • Depressed
  • Fragile health
  • Thin
  • Afraid
  • Fears of abandonment
  • Guilty
  • Fears of violence
  • Fear of hell
  • Fear of the supernatural
  • Guilty of a crime
  • Duty
  • The right thing
  • Spiritual
  • Religious
  • Morals
  • God
  • Sociably acceptable
  1. Rubric-repertorisation

 
I have listed below an extensive list of rubrics which are reflective of ‘ego’ disintegration.
 

  • Delusions: bed: touch the bed when lying; as if she did not: thuj.
  • Delusions: body: brittle, is: Thuj.
  • Delusions: body: continuity of body would be dissolved: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: body: delicate, is: Thuj. [2] 1.
  • Delusions: body: immaterial, is: thuj.
  • Delusions: body: lighter than air; body is: thuj.
  • Delusions: body: pieces: coming in pieces; body is in danger of: thuj.
  • Delusions: body: ugly; body looks: Thuj.
  • Delusions: die: about to die; one was: Thuj.
  • Delusions: die: time has come to: thuj.
  • Delusions: diminished: thin, he is too: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: dirty: he is: thuj.
  • Delusions: divided: two parts; into: thuj.
  • Delusions: divided: two parts; into: which part he has possession on waking; and could not tell of: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: double: being: thuj.
  • Delusions: emaciation; of: thuj.
  • Delusions: existence: longer; she cannot exist any: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: falling: height; from a: Thuj.
  • Delusions: feet: touch scarcely the ground: walking; when: thuj.
  • Delusions: floating: air, in: thuj.
  • Delusions: flying: skin; out of his: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: friendless, he is: Thuj.
  • Delusions: glass: she is made of: thuj.
  • Delusions: glass: wood, glass, etc.; being made of: Thuj.
  • Delusions: ground: touch the ground; she would hardly: thuj.
  • Delusions: head: belongs to another: thuj.
  • Delusions: heavy; is: thuj.
  • Delusions: identity: errors of personal identity: thuj.
  • Delusions: influence; one is under a powerful: thuj.
  • Delusions: insane: he is insane: Thuj.
  • Delusions: intoxicated: is; he: thuj.
  • Delusions: legs: glass; were made of: Thuj. [2] 1.
  • Delusions: light: is light; he: thuj.
  • Delusions: move: he moves: to and fro; he moves: sitting and lying; when: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: outcast; she were an: thuj.
  • Delusions: people: beside him; people are: thuj.
  • Delusions: person: present; someone is: thuj.
  • Delusions: poisoned: he: has been: thuj.
  • Delusions: pursued; he was: thuj.
  • Delusions: seat: moving; seat is: to and fro: thuj. [1] 1.
  • Delusions: separated: body: mind are separated; body and: thuj.
  • Delusions: separated: body: soul; body is separated from: thuj.
  • Delusions: separated: world; from the: he is separated: thuj.
  • Delusions: strange: familiar things seem strange: thuj.
  • Delusions: strangers: seeing: Thuj.
  • Delusions: thin: body is: thuj.
  • Delusions: turn: she: had been turned: circle; in a: thuj.
  • Delusions: worthless; he is: thuj.
  • Delusions: wrong: something was wrong: thuj.

Mind rubrics for Thuja

  • Mind: ailments from; neglected; being; mother; by one’s: thuj.
  • Mind: ailments from; quarrelling; father; with one’s: thuj.
  • Mind: anxiety: business; about: thuj.
  • Mind: anxiety: conscience; anxiety of: Thuj.
  • Mind: anxiety: eating ; after: thuj.
  • Mind: anxiety: future, about: thuj.
  • Mind: aversion; mother, to: thuj. [1] 3. [positr. taosc.]
  • Mind: company: aversion to; sight of people; avoids the: Thuj.
  • Mind: confidence: want of self-confidence; self-depreciation: thuj.
  • Mind: eating; after; agg: thuj.
  • Mind: fear: approaching; of; others; of; delirium, in: Thuj.
  • Mind: fear: opinion of others, of: thuj.
  • Mind: forsaken feeling; beloved by his parents, wife, friends; feeling of not being: Thuj.
  • Mind: religious affections: too occupied with religion; fanaticism: thuj.
  • Mind: reproaching oneself: Thuj.
  • Mind: suicidal disposition: thuj.
  • Mind: timidity: public; about appearing in: thuj.

 

  • Urinary organs: complaints of urinary organs: thuj.
  • Vision: colors before the eyes: thuj.

This patient is a man who is physically weak and fragile. Emotionally, he is frightened of his parishioners, and terrified of taking responsibility. He has struggled with living in society. He has abandoned his two young children and his marriage. He is a psychic. He has lived his life believing the ‘Age of Aquarius’ was about to unfold. He is also starkly judgmental and moralistic in his portrayal of his ‘Tina Turner’ mother. He needs to discard his own psychic spirituality for the socially acceptable forms of religion found within the Christian church. He martyrs himself to his step-daughter to overcome his debt to his own children. He martyrs himself to his wife, who continues to feed him meat when he would prefer to be a vegetarian, because he needs to prove he will be conscientious and stay in the marriage.
 
Thuja struggle with opposing forces. On the one hand he is weak and frightened, and on the other hand he is fixed and rigid. On the one hand he has ‘God on his side’, and on the other he is terrified of hell and judgment and the supernatural, and the devil. Thuja have psychological ‘delusions of grandeur’ [religiosity] which leave them open and vulnerable, and needing to hide their psychological ‘delusions of original sin’. Thuja develop psychoses because they need to hide from themselves, and others.

  1. Materia Medica

 
“I have often found this feeling of fragility in Thuja expressed in the physical sphere, where the patient feels that any article of food or drink is surely bound to cause him problems, and that his system cannot take things such as drugs, allergens, emotional stress or even a draught of air. He tries to avoid all these factors and attempts to keep himself covered from exposure to the same. These avoidances only reinforces the fear, and this vicious cycle goes on, making Thuja one of the main remedies for neurosis, with several obsessive-compulsive traits, fixed ideas and behavior patterns. In the emotional sphere, this feeling of fragility is manifest in the fear of losing face in society. The person believes that he has a certain image in society of being a religious, morally upright, clean, honest person, free from human failings such as dishonesty, sexual temptations (especially) when forbidden, etc. Thus he presents an elevated picture of himself and is afraid that any little slip on his part might reveal the real him or the bad part of him which he has tried so hard to cover up. In this “bad part” lies his dishonesty, sexual desires (which may even be for close relatives), his immoral or irreligious feelings. If this is discovered, he is going to fall down from his imagined elevated position and will be finished. Thus his survival depends on a complete cover up, and there is a tremendous anxiety of being exposed. Translated into expressions the Thuja person is secretive and talks to the physician as if sharing a secret; he is conscious of the presence of other persons, especially strangers. In rubrics, you have the feeling of floating in the air (“Delusion, body lighter than air”) and dreams of falling from high places which represent his fear of falling from his elevated position. Thus Thuja seems to come from a situation of religious order in society or from any situation that demands rigidity in thinking, very fixed ideas. Theocracies, like those in the Middle East, would require this remedy. Also many of the strict religious leaders, with rigid ideas about sin, often have many skeletons in their cupboards, and many times require Thuja. In fact “Religious fanaticism” is one of the rubrics.” [Sankaran]

  1. Follow-up Consultations

First Follow up Consult: November 2008.
I concentrate entirely on videotaping only the follow-up consultations. I usually commence videos after the patient has taken the remedy for some time and I am always vigilant of any new trauma which has sparked off their subconscious or unconscious memory because it is at that point that I find the meaning and relevance of every Delusion rubric. In this case, the transformation was so profound after just four weeks of taking Thuja 30 C., continuously, 1 dose a day, that I was compelled to ask the patient if I could record the first follow-up session. This is the first Thuja case which I have ever videotaped.
 For the simillimum to be correct, the five stages of the psychological delusion of illness and loss must be noted to have changed.
 

  • He realizes that he has been exhausted for years from pushing himself to be good.
  • He reports that his spiritual confidence has grown.
  • He reports he is no longer sorry for the fact that he exists.
  • He is not as fearful of bureaucracy. He reports that he is dealing with stress much better. He has had only two anxiety attacks about bureaucracy and public liability responsibilities and was able to get out of the anxiety much better. He now thinks that the degree to which he feels responsible is an overreaction. He is not as afraid of his parishioners. He has started to be able to talk with people and organize to have coffee with his paris
  • His clinical depression is much improved.
  • He no longer feels like he has an all pervasive sadness.
  • His suicidal feelings have decreased substantially.
  • He is finishing his seminary thesis. He doesn’t feel like he is struggling with writing as much, and feels confident about presenting his paper.
  • He realized after the first consultation that he likes to be slight and small so people will not notice him. [Delusions: body thin.]

Follow-up Physical Symptoms of the Case

  • Frequent urination is no longer an issue at night
  • The frequency during the day is still present, but greatly reduced. In the first consult he went to the toilet three times, this consult he didn’t go once
  • The hot hands at night returned momentarily in two short-lasting panic attacks

Transcript from the Follow-up Consultation
Question: Can you tell me about the dream which you were talking about that was twenty years old?
It was a vivid dream. I was driving a car that was a white BMW. I was aware the car belonged to a blond lady who was into fashion. I was driving the car, and the car got out of control, and it crashed into the car in front of me. It was on the corner of Williams Road and High Street. I jumped out of the car and I was dressed in my 1970’s clothes. I had on a moleskin top and shoulder bag. I reached into the car and on the consol of the car was a package of food like a rissole, and I took a handful of food and put it into my mouth, and there was a long hair attached to the food. Then my father arrived. He was a barrister in reality, and he actually used to do car accidents. He picked up the pieces of the accident and put them into a wall which was like a black filing cabinet, like the structures you see in mausoleums, and each compartment was the wreckage of the accident which he marked with a felt tipped pen. I had been aware that how I lived out the dream was that when I was just a young man in my early twenties. I had two daughters, but I didn’t bring up my daughters. I left the family but for the last eight years I have a step-daughter. She lives with us and also for the last fifteen years I have actually been seeing my own daughters as well, we had reconnected. In the home where I live with my present wife often in the sink I find long hairs which belong to my step-daughter. I often feel, with my step-daughter that I am continually repaying the debt that I owe to my own daughters. The long hair, as I understand the dream, is a debt that I owe to life for not being there for my daughters. This is not part of the dream, but just recently I was in a café and a lady walked in and she began talking to me. Without me explaining my circumstances or how I was feeling, she told me that my debt had been repaid and it was time to move on and to not apologize. It is interesting that word the debt had been repaid, because there are various things like the family inheritance coming around at this time. If the debt has been repaid, then I feel like I want to connect to my spiritual life. I have spent my whole life repaying debts. The second dream that I have had has been quite instrumental in the way that I have lived, I met with a group of people on another plane, or in another place, and they were all dressed in long, white robes, and the reason why we were meeting is that we were preparing to leave the planet. We were surrounding a master, or a Christ like being, and we passed through the crowd. We had to go back, and the reason we had to go back was to retrieve a roll of plans that had been left in a rubbish tip. So the driver arrived in a Datsun station wagon, and his role was to drive us to where we were going to be dropped off on our mission. He had on the consol a can of Solo lemonade which had been spiked with alcohol. I said to him, ‘You had better be careful drinking and driving.’ His response was ‘Look, if I am going to be doing this job then I am going to drink’. He let me off at the entrance to an underground cave and we were taken down in an escalator to this underground world. When I was in that underground world I was met by a man dressed in bishop’s clothes. Everyone in the chamber were acting out figurines or porcelains. I saw these two women on a cow or horse, and I said to her ‘That figure you are acting out I have seen above,’ and there was another lady laying on a grave. I thought I was clever knowing that, but it made the man showing me around very angry, very aggressive. Then what happened is that a red dome started to pulse and a bell started to ring. Then this shaft started to emit this gas and then this whole world was going to be set on fire. There was a real question at the end of the dream, ‘Am I going to get out or not?’
 Do you remember that I asked you at what point do you think you became weak as a child, and you said it was from that point that you learnt about nuclear wars.
It wasn’t weak, it was terrified, I mean terrified, suicidal with it. Also the idea of global starvation. We had that campaign Feed the Children. I remember those images and they really depressed me. It wasn’t just for a few hours. I remained depressed and I have to this day.
So the difference that you feel in taking the remedy that I gave you is that you feel much stronger?
Yes, I do, and also much stronger in my physical presence. But I am not sure whether it is a physical or spiritual presence. I feel that my aura is strong enough to feel stronger with whatever environment that I am in. Like a confidence that wasn’t there before. Also I don’t know whether this is timing or the remedy, but I feel that it is time to move on. I am feeling a need to connect to my spiritual life. Why that is interesting is that at the time that I had those dreams, that was all I was interested in. I was immersed in meditation. I was a natural psychic but I have put all that aside, and I have done it quite intentionally. I want to be accepted by normal people. I want to be part of the human community, human people. That is why I have gone into the church. I can’t tell them. Not many people think the way that I do. I wouldn’t tell them some of the things that I have told you. If I see someone’s energy field it is not because I am trying to, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t see it. The difference is that I have done years of hard core theology, and what I say now is: I see those things but I don’t know what those things mean. That is where that loss of confidence is.
So, you said that since taking the remedy you felt less depressed and you said you felt that your eyes were much clearer?
Yes, definitely, and yes that was amazing. I have a mauve Shetland sweater, and after a few days of taking the remedy the sweater looked like it was covered in sequins. It was like a Monet seeing inner life in the colors. I have had times like that before, but not for a long, long time. When I went off to Daylesford, I went out running in the forest. There is this legend of St Patrick, that when St Patrick was fasting he had to tell the flowers to be quiet because they were so loud. Well, it reminded me of that. The colors of the greens were amazing. It still is, it hasn’t left me. It is just that I am getting a bit more used to it. I am not sure if it is an optical thing or something else, but that is the first symptom that I noticed. It is seeing this incredible beauty in the world. It is not like it is something that is disturbing or anything.
Are you dealing with stress a lot better?
Yes I am, and it’s crazy because at the moment I have far more reason to be stressed. Getting the thesis done, and the conflict that is happening in the church. Here I am sharing with you but I am often in your position, so you are talking to a lot of people and I find it very draining, particularly some people.
 Have you felt as drained?
Now it is very interesting that you say that because I thought the draining was some sort of psychic thing that they were taking your energy in some way. But to have something which has been able to change that thing has made me think it has been part of me being weak or something, not robust. What I have been noticing is that so much of my lifestyle has been based around that weakness and the depression. One of the remedies you gave me was to overcome the sense of the body being fragile. I used to think, because I was vegetarian for so long, that I was undernourished. I don’t know what it was in the remedies. I haven’t been eating a whole lot more, but when I was in Daylesford I ran for five or six kilometers which I haven’t been able to do for a long time. Much stronger at my age. I didn’t think that could happen. That is part of me being in this negative state. What I have had a couple of times is panic attacks. We all went for a bike ride on the weekend, it was a recreational thing for the church. What happened is that a man who was part of the team jumped on someone else’s bike. The bike fell over and he had an injury with his back; nothing serious but I had a huge panic attack late at night that he was going to sue me. What is different is that I recognized I am having a panic attack. So I could step back. I had another one since I have seen you. I bought a couple of computer monitors. I just gave the accountant the receipts, then about a week later I started to think the board might think, what do you think you are doing? I have had a panic attack about being arrested about these monitors. I talked to someone on the board and they didn’t know what I was talking about. I can go and buy anything. My opinion is that it was because my father was a barrister, and I have a highly active super ego, guilt or something like that, or some sort of fear of authority. In this last month I have felt so much stronger and it has helped me even around the home. With my step-daughter and the rest of the extended family. It is improving the quality of my life because I am not avoiding people so much. Avoiding people in the position I am in is not a good thing to do. Because I have been feeling this wounded spirit, or rejection of some sort, like I told you I have been avoiding people. People would be surprised to hear that. They’re not nasty people, that is the crazy thing. They’re lovely people. But there is a robustness in the physicality of the people that I find hard to connect with. If they are physically robust, they might be guys and they do this bloke stuff, there is something of their energy which I find a bit distressing.
You know how you talked about your mother and father and the will. How do you feel about that now?
When I first read the will, it was like being left out of the Book of Life on the Day of Atonement. It was worse than money. I started to sweat, it had a chain reaction. I thought, well my wife is going to leave me as well. It was associated with a large rejection. It was a bit irrational as well because I knew what was going to be in the will. But when I read it, it was devastating. It was also doubly devastating because I got the news that my mother had died when I was in a hotel in Munich. Next, I was going to Israel. But because my mother had died I couldn’t go to Israel, and I had quite a lot of torment over that because of the spiritual work I had to do in Israel. I knew my mother had dementia for eight years and I knew what the quality of our relationship was like. My wife said, ‘You can’t do that, it would bad’, and when I thought about it, I couldn’t do it either, so we came back to Melbourne. I had to do the eulogy, so reading the will was devastating, but it was the beginning of this turning around of paying back the debt. The solicitor asked me, ‘Do you have any reason why you have been the victim of such a vindictive will?’ I had to get the tissues out because I thought this situation is not normal. It made me realize that I have been the victim of a fairly negative attitude all my life. I am aware, Liz, that there is something really beautiful, and that life is really worth living. It is connected with what I have shared with you about my mother’s death. What the solicitor said, and the ability to reflect on your experiences in that way makes you realize you are not crazy. Being with yourself, and being able to share things spiritually being psychic, is not encouraged. It is an area in which I am looking for some sort of reconciliation between Judeo-Christianity and ‘New Age’. In my life it has both, so I am looking for some sort of balance or reconciliation.
 Previously you used the word ‘atonement’. Atonement means to me that something has been forgiven. That you have committed some sin, and that you have been forgiven and let back into paradise.
What does that look like? That idea of a crime having been committed comes to the surface quite a bit. A sense of guilt[1].
Where does that come from, what do you think you did?
I don’t know where that starts from, but it is certainly an old one, right from the time I was little. I don’t know, but I know how it has manifested. It has manifested as a fear of hell, and judgement, and things like that. It has been guilt to do with the supernatural and the devil.

  1. How, Why, and When Causationsthe ‘Never-well-since-event’

 To elicit the ‘never-well-since-symptom’, I ask leading and inquiring questions.
Do you think that guilt came from when you were a child?
It must have, because that is when it started to manifest. I have no idea of any incident other than what I told you my mother never wanted a boy, she wanted a girl. That was not just a little thing, it had a lot of energy in it. She had just lost two little girls. They didn’t come out of the hospital. I think it is all tied in with needing to apologize for existing. This lady said don’t apologize.
When I first saw you, you were talking about your mother’s grief and that she never wanted you as a boy. Do you think it is possible that a baby can pick up that sort of energy?
Absolutely. In fact, I have just had a lady in our church who has post-natal depression and she was holding the baby and she said one thing like, ‘Maybe I won’t be able to bring him up.’ I had a reaction which really surprised me. It came out of left field I said ‘Don’t say that in front of him. He doesn’t understand English but he can hear that you don’t want him. But that was not out of my rational mind.
 So, then you grow up, leave home, get married and leave your children, and then your life starts to really fall apart?
Can I tell you the story of the guitar? This is what happened: I married a young lady who was very troubled when I met her, psychiatrically. It was at a time when I was heavily into New Age. We thought the Age of Aquarius was coming. I had a more disciplined approach to it all, which is why I continued. For a lot of other people it was just like a fashion. One thing led to another, but because this lady was in the middle of a breakdown my mother told her she could come and stay at our place. Basically, to cut a long story short, the girl was very beautiful, and she got pregnant. (Please note he has not said he got her pregnant, which was what happened; he has distanced himself from his past sin.) We began to live together, and the situation got worse; it got more explosive. I had a guitar which this grazer gave to me. I went to boarding school and because he knew I played guitar he rolled up one day with this guitar and the guitar was a very valuable guitar. The way the marriage ended was it was just another one of those explosive days, and she put her foot through the case. The broken guitar was like a metaphor of the marriage but more tragically what happened was it was like the end of the ideal. [Thuja have the Delusion rubric: illusions of fancy.] But I was very much in love with another woman at that time, but she didn’t want to know about me because I was so dysfunctional. But one day the man who owned the guitar rang up one day, and wanted the guitar back. I had had it repaired and why he wanted this guitar was that he had married, and the person he married was the lady I was in love with. Years later, intentionally I started to make guitars and lived in the hills. All the time I was thinking of reconstructing my life because of this smashed up guitar. Years later, when I arrived in the church that I am in now, a lady that worshiped there had the same little guitar, and when I saw it I said, I have a case for you, and the case was the case that had the footprint on it. Maybe I have repaid the debt, but what happens next?
 If you go back to your religion when you repay the debt, then are you let back into paradise?
I think I am starting to know what that feels like. I think it is stopping the striving against those things like rejection.
The rejection from your mother?
Yes. After I read the will I took all the photos down. My present wife wanted me to have the photos up, in fact that is important to her; family. But what I think is that an idea that helped after the incident with the guitar, back when I was twenty-five years old, was: we do have a spiritual family. There are such wonderful goals in a spiritual life. People don’t realize what the rewards are. I am not talking about God thinking you are a wonderful person, I am talking about a whole world of perception. Peace and a spiritual life which is really tangible.
The remedy I gave you is also for feeling abandoned and rejected and that you were not good enough. If there is a degree of being let back into paradise, you then asked, What does that look like? Paradise is when you start to feel like a worthy person. The remedy I gave you was for feeling unworthy for your assumption of sin. This is what you have felt all of your life since that event, rejected not only by your parents but by the whole of society, which is what you were talking about: wanting to be in the church, a conventional church, not a spiritual practice, because you wanted that acceptance.
Yes. Because it was part of getting back on the good side you see.
What the homoeopathic remedy is undoing is the issue of abandonment. Did you deal with the two panic attacks?
Yes. Basically, it didn’t take long to deal with those, it was only five minutes of really intense. I feel like I have been intentionally trying to please people, but if you have lived your whole life like I have, then no-one trusts you. By the time I was forty, I had just lost so much credibility because I believed a spiritual life gave you permission. If I could make myself go back there I would tell myself I was going in the wrong direction. Why I am getting burnt out is that I am doing this just out of my own tank. I am intentionally forcing myself into right conduct and right attitudes, but I would like it to be spontaneous.
The secret revealed
Underlying the need for Thuja to maintain their secrecy is fear of being outcast from society.
 I feel threatened they will find out about me. I can spend days in the presence of God. It is a blinding white light. The presence displaces me. It is ecstasy, nirvana. The problem is, I don’t know who it is. I don’t know if it is God. I don’t know if it is the devil which needs to be cast out of me. I don’t know what it is. I can’t tell my Christian friends and congregation because they will ask if it is Jesus who is in the white light and I don’t know who it is, for all I know it could be the devil inside of me. I had a dream. I was trying to go up some stairs and there were all these people on the stairs blocking the way. I knew that if I got in touch with the primitive beast inside of myself and just pushed these people out of the way I could get up the stairs. I have a lot of anger inside of me which I don’t think I should have in my position as a pastor of a Christian ministry. If I was to do a mandala of my life there would be all these parts. My past life as a devotee, and my life as a Pastor. My life as a guitar maker, and then this anger which is inside and it shouldn’t be there. If people get too close they are going to see that anger. I need to be in the presence of God, but I don’t know what that is, it could be the devil. I don’t know who it is. The presence displaces me. It is like the ecstasy you have in sex and you have an orgasm with your wife but this presence I can be in for days. How can I assure my parishioners that it is Jesus I am seeing?
I feel very threatened around people. I find it hard to be myself. I still feel that I am too broken, and damaged, and fragile, to be part of the human family. I think they will find out about me; that I don’t really feel comfortable with people. Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I don’t like these people. I do, they are all good people. It is just that I have anger inside of me which, if I don’t get away from people especially in the mornings, I am scared they will see. I am still very restless in the mornings. I can’t stay at home. I need to leave the house and go and have a coffee. Even if I go to work, as soon as I get there I have to leave and go to the coffee shop. I am always looking for wide open spaces and anonymity. The anxiety is only there now in the mornings. By the afternoon and night I feel much better now, not so restless. I would like to change this. It is not that I am unusual in going to have a coffee in the mornings, lots of people do it. The thing is that if my wife was to disagree with it, would be something which would cause an argument. It is an obsession with me. I can’t stay in the house. I am trapped and controlled by this need to get out of the house, and I would like that to change, it is an obsession.
Why do you have to leave the house?
There is something repugnant about people having breakfast in the morning, them having toast in their pajamas. I don’t know if it just looks lazy, but I find it repugnant. (Here I am reminded of his feeling of repugnance that he had towards his mother when she would go to the toilet in front of him when he was a child.) I get very angry with physical clumsiness and mess in the environment. Just seeing people eat toast in the morning in their pajamas is totally repugnant to me. I am totally threatened by my own organizational stress. I can go into my study and it is a mess. Don’t get me wrong Liz, if you were to come to my house, everything is in order, but my desk is a mess. For example, if I did your job and had to have all the bottles you have in that cabinet in alphabetical order I would not be able to do it. (My consulting room is extremely tidy. Patients are either confronted by it, or like it.) I got a high distinction for my thesis and I can do my sermons, but I do them in the coffee shop in the morning. I am totally frozen with anxiety when I have to try to order my desk. My wife has put up a row of ugly files in the study. The reason I call them ugly is that I don’t understand her system of filing and it overwhelms me. I feel very restless as soon as I wake up and I have to get out of the house. I can’t deal with the laziness of what people look like in the morning eating toast in their pajamas. I need wide-open spaces, anonymity in the mornings.
Case Analysis
Thuja have numerous Mind rubrics which reflect the same internal discord, for example: disgust with his own body, aversion to being touched, and always washing her hands. The psychotic patient can also develop delusional disorders, disorganized thinking, hallucinations, illusions, or paranoid delusional states. Thuja are extremely threatened by anything which reminds them of human decay. Thuja have the Delusion rubric: he is dirty[2]. Thuja need their religiosity to protect themselves from humanness. Thuja feel too delicate to be able to cope with any signs of gross human behaviors. Thuja are a victim of their own religiosity and conscientious sense of duty.
Treatment: continue with Thuja 30 C. dry pilule once a day, continuously.
Third Follow up Consult: January 2009.

  • His stomach and digestion are greatly improved, no bloating or pain or indigestion.
  • His frequency is greatly improved.
  • He is also not as thirsty. He still came to the consultation with his drink bottle but he did not drink from it once. In the first consultation he drank obsessively, every twenty minutes. In the second consultation, he drank three times in a ninety minute consultation.
  • He reports his confidence is greatly improved.
  • He has less anxiety, and was able to deal with a legal issue at the church without it causing any panic attacks at all, which is the first time that has happened.
  • The fact that he feels more stable he finds remarkable!
  • He is dealing with more responsibility within the church, which he says he has never been able to cope with before.
  • He reports his step-daughter has bought a house and is about to move out. He is far more open about the difficulties of living with a step-child. He no longer feels he is in karmic debt to her and is very happy she is moving out. He feels as if he has had to compensate for years. He feels that there has always been territorial tension over his access rights to his wife because the step-daughter has lived with them. He reports that it feels remarkable to not feel so guilty.
  • He has started to reveal more about what he is keeping secret. His need to hide his past allegiances to the ‘Aquarian Age’ is less.

Conclusion
Follow-up: June, October, 2009. 
He still contacts me from time to time, but they are mainly short phone consultations. He has continued on the remedy when he feels that he needs to repeat the remedy. He repeats the remedy for approximately a week at a time when he notices the anxiety returning. He rings to see what I think of his assessment of himself. He has finished his theological studies and has passed with distinction. He is seeking a permanent position in a church. After the will has been settled he wants to live in Germany and pursue more theological studies. He is much happier because he has started to teach his practitioners meditation. This indicates to me that his need to hide that part of himself is no longer an issue. He is extremely well physically, and no longer describes himself as having CFS or any other sort of physical weakness. He has allowed himself to gain a small amount of weight. He is still eating meat at home with his wife.
I have kept him on the same potency and daily dose: Thuja 30 C. 1/day, dry pilule, as needed.
Bibliography
Sankaran, Rajan. The Soul of Remedies. Santa Cruz, Bombay, Homoeopathic Medical Publishers, 1997. pp. 203-205.
Schroyens, Frederik. M.D. Synthesis. London, Homeopathic Book Publishers, 1997.
Vermeulen, Frans. Prisma. The Netherlands, Emryss bv Publishers, 2002. p.1337, pp.1375-1378.
Vermeulen, Frans. Synoptic Materia Medica 1. The Netherlands, Emryss Publishers, 1992. pp. 398-401.
[1] This case resonates with the patient’s delusional expectation that if he is in communication with God he should be able to cure his present anxiety and physical weakness. If they can’t cure his disease then he believes that his anxiety is a result of the sins he has committed, or that he is in communication with the devil, and not Jesus. He says, I feel threatened they will find out about me. I can spend days in the presence of God. It is a blinding white light. The presence displaces me. It is ecstasy, nirvana. The problem is I don’t know who it is. I don’t know if it is God. I don’t know if it is the devil which needs to be cast out of me. I don’t know what it is. I can’t tell my Christian friends and congregation because they will ask if it is Jesus who is in the white light and I don’t know who it is, for all I know it could be the devil inside of me.
[2]I am currently treating another Thuja case, a woman whose reason for consulting me was to help her overcome her self-disgust and feelings of dirtiness after she has sex. Her disgust is so extreme that she has to shower for at least one hour after sex. Given the water restrictions that we have in place in Australia (after the longest drought in history), she was feeling racked with guilt, not only for having sex, but for also using so much water.
Author: Liz Lalor

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